League History




2014


Turd Fergusons 

          Our seventh season may not have been the most exciting ever, but there were certainly some memorable moments and highlights. If nothing else, it was surprisingly predictable, as the contenders and pretenders were distinguishable from as early as the August draft.

          It was pretty evident early on that The Ass Pirates, F.C. DITKA, Sausage Bandits, and Turd Fergusons would be the real competition in 2014, while everyone else would languish toward the bottom of the standings. This played out right away as The Ass Pirates and Turd Fergusons started out hot, gaining early leads in their divisions, while F.C. DITKA and The Sausage Bandits overcame critical injuries to climb into contention.

          There were a few records worth noting, most remarkably the first team to crack the 3000-point threshold in the Regular Season. The Ass Pirates scored an impressive 3045.5 points in just 14 games for an amazing average of 217.5 points per game and an 11-3 record, good enough to clinch 1st place and a first-round playoff bye. On the other end of the spectrum, Thunderpussy had the worst season in our history as they managed just a paltry 1-13 record and third-fewest points ever. F.C. DITKA also managed a remarkable feat by scoring 200+ points in every match from Weeks 4 to 12, a record 9 weeks in a row.

          Week 15 saw two rather lopsided games as #3 F.C. DITKA and #4 Sausage Bandits dismantled their underdog opponents #6 Vermin Supreme and #5 SofaKing Cool, setting up the top 4 seeds for a truly epic and deserving Final Four. And Week 16 did not disappoint as #4 Sausage Bandits squeaked by heavy favorite #1 Ass Pirates 168-163 and #2 Turd Fergusons narrowly defeated #3 F.C. DITKA 192.5-180.5. And so Vigilante Bowl VII would be fought between the Turds and Bandits, and sadly, it was never even a fair fight. Thanks to a solid Week 17 performance by Aaron Rodgers (41 points) and receivers Eric Decker and Odell Beckham Jr. (34 and 25), the Turd Fergusons were victorious 257-186.5, earning their second-ever championship. The Sausage Bandits were denied for the second time in as many trips to the Vigilante Bowl, despite an MVP performance by QB Andrew Luck.



2013


F.C. DITKA is Daaaaaa Champ

          The 2013 Season was certainly a thrilling one, full of close battles, unprecedented trash talk and broken hearts. While it may have been a one-man race in the Regular Season, it was anyone's guess who would come away with the Vigilante Cup.

          If you want to start off the season with a bang here's a hot tip: start Peyton Manning on Opening Day and let him rack up a record 92.5 points for you. That Thursday night game certainly set the tone for the rest of F.C. DITKA's season and the MVP race, as they rode Manning's hot hand to start the year on an 8-game winning streak. All the while the rest of the league was a revolving carousel for remaining playoff spots, with the exception of Thunderpussy who lost their first 5 games.

          As the Regular Season wore on, no one besides F.C. DITKA was safe, as teams that started the year hot (Turd Fergusons and reigning-champ Vermin Supreme) couldn't buy a win and teams that started slow (Nature Goulet and Thunderpussy) began to climb the standings. The highlight of Week 14 was surely the exciting effort that allowed Thunderpussy to sneak into the Playoffs, in which they won their final 2 games and needed a precise scenario to play out, denying the Turds and Vermin Supreme their playoff tickets.

          The opening round of the 2013 Playoffs will perhaps go down as the greatest week we've had, as #5 Wiener Barons beat #4 For Whom the Bell Sproles by 1 point, 175-174, and #6 Thunderpussy beat #3 Nature Goulet by 2 points, 202-200. The latter was an improbably dramatic comeback that saw Jacoby Jones score just enough points on the final drive of the Ravens game to leapfrog heavily-favored Nature Goulet.

         Week 16 was not nearly as exciting, as favored #1 F.C. DITKA and #2 Benperors easily overmatched their opponents, setting up a heavyweight championship that seemed almost predestined to happen. The hype did not disappoint, as the battle came down to the final minutes of the final game of Week 17. What was looking like a Benperors win was suddenly altered by a late Dez Bryant TD, followed by a critical defensive stop that swung momentum the other way. F.C. DITKA walked away with a 188.5-169 victory that was much closer than the score would lead you to believe. The Super Fans won their second Vigilante Cup, in addition to scoring the most points (2846) and compiling the best record (13-3), and also denied the Benperors their 3rd title in 4 years. Peyton Manning would finish the year with a record 831.5 fantasy points (including 119 in 2 playoff games), securing both Regular Season and Playoff MVP honors.




2012


Vermin Supreme gives the boot to the competition

          If there's one thing you can say about 2012 its that it was easily the tightest, most competitive year we've ever had. Nobody ran away with first, nobody sank far into the cellar, and it was the first year nobody managed to crack 10 or more wins. In fact, going into the final week of the regular season, not a single team had yet clinched their division nor been eliminated from the Playoffs, with the sole exception of the last-place Benperors. And seeing as how the Benperors were the two-time defending champions, no one cared or felt sorry for them.

          The 2012 Regular Season was, to put it simply, not the most exciting year we've had. No huge scandals or incidents, no Monday Night escapades, no ridiculous comebacks or collapses. Our fifth season was probably a forgettable one, with a few exceptions that mostly involved Nature Goulet. They set a few impressive records in 2012 including most points ever in a week (290) and most points ever scored by a non-QB (63 by RB Doug Martin), both in a Week 9 victory against For Whom The Bell Sproles. This was even more significant because Nature Goulet had not beaten For Whom The Bell Sproles since Week 9 of 2008, ending a 4-year, record 7-game winning streak against Nature Goulet. And if that weren't enough, Nature Goulet went on the make the Playoffs for the first time in 3 years.

          Round 1 of the 2012 Playoffs saw two upsets, as #6 Nature Goulet and #5 For Whom The Bell Sproles shocked #3 F.C. DITKA and #4 The Turd Fergusons, respectively, setting up a Final Four that was guaranteed to produce a first-time Champion. The upsets continued in the high-scoring second round, as #1 Team Snickerdoodle got knocked off by surprise challenger For Whom The Bell Sproles 225-205.5, but Nature Goulet's luck would unfortunately run out against #2 Vermin Supreme 249.5-218.5.

          So it was, an all-Kegler Vigilante Bowl, as #5 For Whom The Bell Sproles faced off against brother #2 Vermin Supreme. This time it was Vermin Supreme's turn to make history, backed by a 49-point effort by RB Alfred Morris, and the team that went 2-12 just 3 years ago could now call themselves champions. In what turned out to be an good-spirited yet unremarkable 219.5-166.5 title game, Vermin Supreme captured their first Vigilante Cup and handed For Whom The Bell Sproles their second Marv Levy Cup in as many trips to the championship.  Team Snickerdoodle was the Boxall Division champion, their second franchise pennant, and F.C. DITKA led the league in total points scored for the third time in 5 years.




2011


Benperors turn to the Dark Side to build Evil Empire

          The fourth installment of There Will Be Blood... was fun for a few, but frustrating as hell for all the rest of us. Much like the very first year of Fantasy Football three years before, the whole season proved to really be the story of just two teams: the 2009 champion Turd Fergusons and the 2010 champion Team Tricky Dick. Everyone else became a bystander in 2011.

          The Regular Season began with those two getting off to hot starts, as the Turds (4-2 start) and Benperors (4-1 start) captured early division leads. All other teams hovered around .500 except for a few that sank even lower, namely F.C. DITKA and Thunderpussy (both 1-4 starts). As the season wore on, Tricky Dick rose above the rest, riding a 4-game win streak to a 8-2 record and a lock on the President's Trophy after Week 10. But that's where things took a detour.

          The Turd Fergusons got hot at the right time and finished the season on a 4-game win streak of their own, wrapping up with a 10-4 record. Conversely, Tricky Dick lost their last 4 games, dropping them to 8-6, enough to clinch the Jones Division but not the overall #1 seed. Thunderpussy also failed mightily, becoming the first team to go 0-7 at home and also to be 0-6 within their division. And speaking of losing streaks, F.C. DITKA, who had just recovered from their rough start to respectable 5-6 record, proceeded to lose their final three games by margins of 2, 1, and 6.5. The finale, which is documented in the Rumors & Scandals section, ended as a .5-point win for F.C. DITKA but changed overnight to a 6.5-point loss.

          The Playoffs could be summed up in two words: Matt Flynn. After #3 Team Snickerdoodle and #5 Vermin Supreme knocked off #6 F.C. DITKA and #4 For Whom The Bell Sproles in the first round, they lost to #2 Team Tricky Dick and #1 The Turd Fergusons in the second. This set up the first ever Championship between the top two seeds, as well as a heavyweight battle between Playoff veterans that guaranteed a two-time champion. Week 17 did not disappoint, as Tricky Dick scored a Playoff-record 260.5 points, led by QB Matt Flynn's ridiculous 87 points. The Turds put up a respectable 213, but it was not nearly enough against such a force. The 2011 Championship also set another record for most total points scored in one game, Playoffs or Regular Season, as the two teams put up a crazy 473.5 combined points. Ironically, destiny was changed by Green Bay's last-minute benching of Turd Fergusons QB Aaron Rodgers in favor of Flynn, who was scooped up by Tricky Dick just 4 minutes before the Championship began.

          Just like that, Team Tricky Dick won itself back-to-back titles, and they were soon corrupted by the power. Like Senator Palpatine before, they were turned to the dark side and transformed into the Benperors, bent on squashing all their rebel adversaries.  The Turds were relegated to the Marv Levy Cup in addition to their President's Trophy and Boxall Division pennant.





2010


Tricky Dick proves "V" is for Victory

          2010 was all about the big moves for There Will Be Blood.... What started out as a topsy-turvy year proved to be as exciting and wide open as any year we've had. While the Ass Pirates and Turd Fergusons continued their 2009 success, other teams like F.C. DITKA (1-5 start) and the Monarch's Henchmen (1-4 start) began slowly and dwelled in 7th and 8th place as late as Week 7. Meanwhile, Vermin Supreme (4-2) and Team Tricky Dick (5-3) came out fighting, flirting with their division lead at the halfway point.

          As the season wore on, the real contenders emerged from the field, while others faded into obscurity. After their worst start ever. F.C. DITKA shook things up by claiming Mike Vick on waivers and trading their franchise QB Tom Brady for Peyton Manning. This proved to be the big move of the year, highlighted by a then league-record 77.5 point night by Vick in Week 10, helping the Super Fans to finish the season on a 7-1 run. Thunderpussy, taken over by new ownership in Week 8, ended strong at 4-3 on their way to capturing their division title. All the while, the Ass Pirates went 11-1 against everyone not named F.C. DITKA.

          As we all know, the Playoffs are a different beast than the regular season. The #1 Ass Pirates and #3 F.C. DITKA may have ended the year on 6 and 5 game win streaks, respectively, but their status as favorites couldn't help them past #5 Team Tricky Dick and #2 Thunderpussy in the Conference Finals. In the end, it was all about Tricky Dick, whose 224.5 points in the Championship was more than enough to claim the Vigilante Cup. In fact, their playoff run of 209, 227.5, and 224.5 points (for a total of 661 in 3 games) was both historic and purely unbeatable.

          While the Ass Pirates (11-3) secured both the Bloods division title and President's Trophy for the 2nd straight year, F.C. DITKA scored the most total points (2739.5), winning the first-ever Vice President's Trophy. In their first year, Thunderpussy captured the Crips pennant and Marv Levy Cup.





2009


Ass Pirates flirt with perfection, lose Cup to Turds

          There was no sophomore slump for anyone in There Will Be Blood...'s second season, as we saw a jump in high scoring and close matchups. To highlight the early going, the Turd Fergusons started off the year with back-to-back one point victories, a feat that will surely never be repeated. Nor will anyone soon forget Week 1's MNF escapades involving a certain running back named Darren Sproles.

          As the season wore on, the Ass Pirates proved to be a cut above the rest, going undefeated and scoring 200+ points every game through the first half of the schedule. Their streak would run to 11 wins, finally ending in a wild Week 12 fiasco that shook up the dynamics of the entire season. The lowly 8th place Vermin Supreme, with a 1-10 record and nothing to lose, came to visit the 11-0 Ass Pirates and did what no one else could with a 237 point Ditka Trophy-winning performance. Statistically it was the greatest upset in the history of the league. Week 14 saw another exciting matchup between #6 Team Tricky Dick and #7 The Turd Fergusons for the final playoff spot, a game whose ramifications were unforseen by anyone, and proved to be a great finale.

          The Playoffs saw sleeper picks #3 The Super Fans and #4 The Monarch's Henchmen knocked off in the first round, while #6 The Turd Fergusons, who are the only team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record (6-8), would not be denied and found themselves in a giant championship matchup with the 12-2 #1 Ass Pirates. Unbelievably, in a season when you thought you'd seen everything, the Turd Fergusons slayed Goliath on the biggest stage, earning the right to hoist the Vigilante Cup and call themselves champions.

          The Ass Pirates may have had to settle for the Marv Levy Cup, but they also claimed the President's Trophy, Northern Division pennant, won the most games in a season (12), most points in a season (2882.5), and a record nine 200+ point games. They were also the first team to go 7-0 on the road and also 6-0 within their division. Team Snickerdoodle had an impressive performance in their inaugural year, winning the Southern Division pennant.




2008


Super Fans capture league title, first Vigilante Cup

          What a great inaugural year for Fantasy Football. 2008 saw some early surprises by the likes of the Turd Fergusons (4-0 start) and even the Auto-picks (2-1 start), but our league proved that slow and steady really does win the race. The Ass Pirates, Buck Futters, and Team Youngest Visano put up strong efforts, but inconsistancy kept any of them from finishing better than 7-7. Real drama unfolded as the Western Division was decided by 4 points on the final day of the year, robbing the Buck Futters of a sure pennant.

          As the regular season ended, the Super Fans and Floaters emerged as the stars of the league, achieving the only two winning records (10-4 and 8-6) after starting off the year 0-2 and 0-4, respectively. No one will soon forget their Week 10 match-up that saw the Floaters defeat the Super Fans 192.5-191.5, ending the Super Fans' 7-game win streak while continuing their own streak of 7 wins.

          It didn't get any more exciting than the 2008 Playoffs, as the first round saw the #3 Floaters and #5 Ass Pirates knock off the #6 Turd Fergusons and #4 Buck Futters, respectively. Round Two saw another upset, as the #3 Floaters steamrolled #2 Youngest Visano 245.5-166.5. The #1 Super Fans narrowly escaped their match-up with #5 Ass Pirates 167.5-153, ensuring a heavyweight championship bout.

          And so it was, the #1 Super Fans vs. #3 Floaters for the Vigilante Cup. All the hype didn't lessen the excitement of this Week 10 rematch, and when the dust settled, the Super Fans were victorious 191-133.5, capturing the inaugural 2008 league championship and giving the Floaters the 2nd place Marv Levy Cup.

          Besides winning the 2008 Vigilante Cup, the Super Fans also held the best overall record (10-4), scored the most overall points (2531.5), and won the Eastern Division pennant. In addition to the Marv Levy Cup, the Floaters also won the Trophy race, capturing league highs in positive trophies (10) and trophy stars (23). Team Youngest Visano won the Western Division pennant.





 

"If you're not in the parade, you watch

the parade. That's life."

     -Mike Ditka



 
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